How to Prepare for an Army Deployment (For the spouse) | eHow.com

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Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You'll Need:

• Lockbox
• Journal
• Notebook
• Pen
• Time

Step1

TAKE TIME TO OVERCOME THE SHOCK As military spouses we all know and understand the mission of the Army and we have learned what role our spouses play in that mission. If you are a new military spouse and have no idea what I am talking about, feel free to leave me a message and I'll be happy to teach you that, as well. We know we have to be prepared at all times for anything yet when our spouse walks in on a normal day to inform us of stop loss, we start sweating and when he has orders to deploy, it is natural to go through a range of emotions from panic to anger to fear to frustration to well.. you may ride a rollercoaster of emotions you have never encounted but this is when you need to stop and breathe. Hug your spouse and let him/her know that soon you will have a lot to ask or say but for the time you think you should take time to let the news sink in. He/she will understand. Whatever it is that you do to relax, this is now the time to do it.

Step2

START A JOURNAL. Somewhere around the house most of us already have an unused journal. Dig deep in your white elephant closet, if you have such, and I bet you may have one there. If not, maybe go to the store or a craft store and purchase a new one with a style on the cover that best represents you. This will be your deployment journal and starting from the time you buy it, start journaling any thoughts, fears, joys, etc. regarding the deployment. I found trying to journal daily was my preference but for some, depending on jobs, and general business of life, once a week may be all you can do and that is fine but be sure to keep one. Get creative with your journal. You don't always have to write in a journal. Perhaps it's Halloween and you think about Halloween with your spouse, you may put a photo from last Halloween on that day's page. You may decide to draw one day or paint. Hey, it's your journal...make it yours! You'll start it now but it will be like a good friend to talk to for the next 12-15 months.

Step3

ATTEND DEPLOYMENT BRIEFINGS WITH YOUR SPOUSE THAT ARE OPEN TO FAMILY MEMBERS. This is perhaps one step a lot of spouses miss. For whatever reason they don't attend with their servicemember. At a deployment briefing so much helpful information is put out for families. You'll hear what services/organizations/etc. your spouse needs to ensure he/she has visited to have forms completed and etc. You really should be a part of this. If you work, ask to take off for this and if you have children, see about a babysitter for the day. People realize the nature of the deployment briefings and will try to accomodate you. A lesson well learned is not to depend on your spouse to bring the info. to you. Can you imagine how much is on their mind at the time and how easy it is for them to accidentally forget other things you need to know? Take a notebook with you. If you are a slow note taker,heck take a cassette recorder. This is 2008 so get s small one, don't just bust in there with w big jambox. (just a lil light humor) If services are there and set up, take time after the briefing to walk around and pick up information from each one. You never know which ones you could have already benefitted from and which ones you'll soon need. This way you are making yourself a self-reliant spouse having info. you may need. After you return home, ask your spouse any questions you may have about anything you heard at the briefing. He/she will explain it to you to where you can understand.

Step4

HAVE THE TALK EVERYONE WISHES TO AVOID. This is perhaps the talk most spouses wish to avoid but please realize it needs to take place. I can't express this enough. Let your spouse know you realize such a talk needs to occur and let them tell you when is a good time for them. This is when you discuss your spouse's plans for his/her death. To make it easier, do as I did and make it a two sided conversation discussing your wishes for your death as well. (also another article) At this time look together over his will and find out the specifics such as location of burial, whether he/she desires full military honors, other special requests, etc. Write this information down in a notebook and save it. I recommend having your spouse sign and date the end of whatever you write just in case a family dispute arises later. I am not a lawyer so I am not sure it will hold up in court but always be safe. This will be a solemn conversation but just know he/she will appreciate you making that step. Be cautioned that if this becomes a humorous thing for your spouse, don't ridicule them, as long as you're getting facts, just take any crazy extra fill in info. and toss it aside. Some soldiers have a strange way of approaching things...like my husband for example. But as long as you get his true desires, you have done well.

Step5

GET YOU A CHECKLIST & COMPLETE IT. If you have not already done so, make a deployment checklist. I will a deployment checklist article here soon, so check it, see if there are others already here on eHow or google one. Included on this list will be your spouse's will, insurance papers, power of attorney, etc. Store these documents in your lockbox with any other valuables. You should already have a lockbox in your home, if not, you do now. Keep all other emergency info. here such as passports, copies of ID cards, SS cards, marriage certificate, birth certificates, etc. Go through your checklist and complete the entire list.

Step6

UTILIZE YOUR COMMUNITY SERVICES. Although you will be busy, go through the brochures, flyers, etc. you received at the deployment briefing. If you didn't obtain anything, start with Red Cross. From there they can direct you to other sources. Educate yourself on how to send a Red Cross message, how to read a LES, etc. If you are an Army spouse as I am, be sure you attend your FRG meetings.

Step7

me and hubby before deployment spending time in Bad Kissingen, Germany DEVOTE TIME TO YOUR SPOUSE. Throughout all these steps, this is something you have been doing. You almost end up playing this by watching your spouse. Let me explain, sometimes you and your spouse will smother each other because he/she is wanting more of you but on the other hand you may see times where he/she is not so close. This is normal and as time goes by you'll understand how for some strange reason spouses seem to start to draw themselves apart before a long separation. I believe the reasoning to be because it will be easier to say goodbye but don't think you'll be missed any less. This is just a servicemembers way of dealing with the hurt of an upcoming separation before it takes place. No harm intended and not to be expected by all soldiers. Whatever time you do get together, talk. Talk about everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. Each couple knows what makes them tick so this step is all on you to personalize but PAMPER your spouse in all ways. If it kills you (and it won't) let your husband get away with murder...let him get away with teasting you or walking around singing in the voice that just makes you want to puke...just share laughter at all times you can!

Step8

MAKE A HAPPY BOX. The days leading up to your spouse's deployment, create what I call a happy box. Take a box like a large old cigar box and tell your spouse it's his/her job to decorate it and fill it with momentos, notes, that will make you smile or make you happy. Now don't be suprised if it is decorated crazy...we all aren't Martha Stewart. This box is not to be opened by you until after he/she deploys but make sure you have been told where to find it. When you get sad, just go dog through it.

Step9

BECOME A DEPLOYMENT INVESTIGATOR. I realize this step is out of order but about a month away from deployment, make the library and the internet your friend. Research stories about deployment, military resources, etc. Chances are there is a lot you need to learn. If your spouse is still there when your learning begins, he/she can help you understand what you are learning more. Bookmark the websites and forums for military spouses, you will find them helpful.

Step10

GET YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM ESTABLISHED. Well I have this saying that if someonw is not going to encourage me, be there for me at all times, be a positive role model for me, etc. they are toxic and they are not in my support group. The people in this group will be those people who are resourceful, maybe spouses who are what I call military immune (been military spouses awhile), your FRG, spouses club members, etc. You will know who is a good fit for you but be sure you have a support system. Some people think they have to have a lot of friends but always know a few true friends last a lifetime and are enough.

Step11

HELP YOUR SPOUSE PREPARE Of course you have been helping your spouse mentally but when it comes time to pack up, take part. I always feel more useful even if all I am doing is calling out and checking off the list. I am stingy with my husband's time anytime he leaves so I don't even let the hour or so for packing get wasted...I am there and he enjoys my company. Sometimes you may want to get sneaky, add some cards you've already prepared for him in his bags after he has packed them. I usually send about a 3 week supply of cards scattered in his stuff and marked on the outside what date he is to open which. It comes as a pleasant surprise especially since it will be awhile before he has an address to write him at. Just a suggestion. If there are things still needed, try to go shopping for them for your spouse.

Step12

DEPLOYMENT DAY & DEPLOYMENT PLAN. While no one can really say how they will handle a deployment, it is good to have a deployment notebook to jot down ideas of things you can do during the deployment. Maybe losing or gaining weight, traveling, going to school, learning a new skill, whatever you can think of...write it down as a plan. If you are pretty organized give yourself some goals for doing those things. Also have a deployment day plan in place. Do you want to be alone or among others? Keep in mind other spouses are having the same day you will be so maybe if you know someone, get together right afterwards for support. Call a family member or journal.

Step13

IF POSSIBLE SPEND THE LAST MOMENTS TOGETHER. The opportunity is not always there but if your spouse has to check in at a certain time the night before deployment and you can be there, be there. In our case everyone checked in and then remained outside until morning came. Boy are soldiers creative. They can make a bed of anything...smile. I slept outside cuddled with my husband while it drizzled. Next morning headed for the gym where they would deploy from. Time is precious to take advantage of it.

Step14

PUT YOUR DEPLOYMENT DAY PLAN & DEPLOYMENT PLAN IN PLACE. This is day one. Pull out your deployment plan notebook and when you are ready, get started. Don't let too much time pass because you may fall into an ugly pit of depression. Don't expect to hear from your spouse immediately and know that as soon as he/she can, you will get a call or a letter. The next 12-15 months will be tough but hopefully these steps will get you on a good start.