How to deal with a significant other returning from a deployment | eHow.com

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Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You'll Need:

• Love
• Compassion
• A good pair of ears
• Patience

Step1

Remember that you can never relate to or understand what your loved on when through, unless you've been through it yourself. It's the old line about walking a mile in the other's shoes.

Don't pretend like you know what they are going through if you don't.

Don't patronize them.

Step2

Listen to them. They may want to tell you things that are disturbing to hear. But, look at it this way. Obviously they need to get some things off their chest and you are the person they trust enough to tell about it.

If things are too disturbing for you to hear, calmly and quietly tell them that. But, don't say "I don't want to hear it" and don't judge them for their actions.

What they did, they did to save their own lives and bring themselves home to you.

Step3

Let them know that you are there for them. When they first get home, things might be wonderful for the first few weeks or months. But that can change suddenly.

If your significant other appears to be dealing with everything very well, just let them know that you are there for them when/if they need to talk about things.

Step4

If you can't handle the things your significant other needs to tell you, find someone who can. This needs to be someone they trust and can talk to. Some one who won't judge them. It may be a family member or friend, clergy or a medical professional.

But, they need to talk about these things in order to cope and deal with it. It's important that someone listen.

Step5

Don't try to push them into something they are not ready for. Many people returning from deployment aren't ready to resume a sexual relationship. Be understanding and patient. It doesn't mean they don't want you any more. It means they have to readjust their thinking from being in a war zone to being home. It's a major adjustment.

They may not be good with crowds. Don't push them. If they don't want to go to Walmart, don't make them.

If they don't feel comfortable caring for the kids, because it has been so long, don't force them into it.

Returning from a deployment requires adjustments in every aspect of life. Be patient.

Step6

Some of the pep may be gone from their step. They may not laugh as much as before. That's okay. The person you knew has changed. But, you may not realize it, you have changed too. You became more independent while they were gone and that may also be hard for them to handle.

If this is the person you love and they love you (and lack of affection when returning from a deployment doesn't mean they don't still love you), everything will come in time.

Just because the person is different, doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful life together.