Deployed Christmas: Book, traditions help children cope with parents away at holiday

By Lynn Taylor Rick, Journal Staff Writer

When Dodie Heinrich reads “The Soldiers’ Night Before Christmas” to her two young sons, they ask a lot of questions about their deployed father, Fred Heinrich.

Five-year-old Connor is especially interested to see that the soldiers slept on cots and all in the same tent. He loves it when Sergeant McClaus delivers the soldiers presents and then flies away (avoiding the military’s radar) in his flying jeep.

Dodie bought the book at Ellsworth Air Force Base and believes it’s been a big help in comforting Connor and 1-year-old Brennen. In a way, the book gives Connor a vehicle to ask the questions he didn’t know how to ask, she says.

Fred Heinrich is currently in Texas, training for a deployment to Afghanistan with the 235th Military Police Company of the South Dakota National Guard. He will be home for five days at Christmas and then he’ll be deployed until 2008. It’s his second deployment, but with his youngest son so little, Dodie feels the stress of the deployment more this time.

“I’m afraid Brennen might not even go to him. … I’m afraid he won’t even know Daddy at all,” she said.

Those fears will likely be felt by others here in the Black Hills, and throughout the nation this Christmas, with thousands of United States troops currently deployed. In some cases, only one parent is deployed during the holidays. In other cases, both are.

So how do the families at home ensure that the children have the best holiday possible?

Angela Winchester, of the Family Member Program at Ellsworth Air Force Base, said the military has various programs to help families throughout deployments. But there are plenty of things families can do at home to help kids deal with the separation.

Here are suggestions for easing the stress and anxiety of deployment during the holidays:

- Winchester said the first step for families is addressing the holidays before deployment. Talk as a family about where Mom or Dad will be and how the family will celebrate the holiday.

- At home, follow the family’s holiday traditions as closely as possible. If the tree always goes up Dec. 15, put up a tree on schedule. “That provides some security and comfort for the child,” Winchester said.

- Before leaving, the deploying parent can record herself reading a favorite Christmas children’s book. Then, during the holidays, the kids can listen to it. A deployed parent can also record the book and ship the recording home.

- A deployed parent can send photographs of their living quarters, preferably decorated for the holidays. Even better, have the children send decorations and then take a photograph of the living quarters decorated with them. “They have some connectedness then. … The security that Mom and Dad are OK,” Winchester said. “It’s that the children know that the parent has a secure living arrangement in the deployed location.”

- When it comes to the school holiday programs, ask the schools if family friends and grandparents can attend. That softens the blow for the child when Mom or Dad can’t be there. “That validates the child’s participation in the program,” Winchester said.

For Dodie Heinrich, the holiday will be less difficult this year because her husband can be home for a few days. But the rest of the year and next holiday, she expects her children to face plenty of separation anxiety.

She tries to ease the sadness by giving the boys plenty of mommy time. And that often manifests itself as snuggling up with a good book. Their favorite right now is “The Soldiers’ Night Before Christmas.”

Where can I get the book?

The book “The Soldiers’ Night Before Christmas” is written by Christine Ford and Trish Holland. It is available at Borders or Waldenbooks in Rapid City. Inspired by the famous Christmas poem by Clement Clarke Moore, the book tells the tale of some homesick soldiers serving in the Middle East.

Where can families find help?

Military families with deployed members can call the Military OneSource at 1-800-342-9647 for information, educational material and general assistance.